in honor of my grandfather

If you know where to look there is a yellowwood tree in Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens where my paternal grandfather's ashes were laid to rest.

On one of our pilgrimages there with my dad, he talked about reincarnation. Placing my grandfather's ashes under the protective roots of this tree was almost a form of reincarnation, as the tree would absorb the nutrients from the ashes and use them for life of its own. I really like the idea of my grandfather's essence being absorbed and reflected in a tree reaching up to the heavens which he had studied so passionately. There is a feeling of connection there, connections between the heavens and the earth, the ongoing thread of familial themes, the similarities and disparaties of generations leading and molding generations.

My grandfather died almost a year before I was born, in 1978. He was an astronomer who was part of the program at Radcliffe Observatory in South Africa. He discovered these Globules, named after him, in 1950. According to the website where I found this picture taken by the Hubble Telescope, the globules are "dense, opaque clouds of interstellar gas and dust." They are significant because they are possibly the beginnings of a new star.

I look at my father, and wonder what my grandfather must have been like. I think that he and my dad must have been very similar. When I look at pictures of my grandfather, my father's face looks back at me. Physically they had the same build. Did they sound the same?

My grandfather passed on the science gene to my dad and my uncle. They both work in scientific fields, and I know from an early age my dad would sometimes spend time with my grandfather on his night watches at the Observatory. My dad loves rocks and crystallography.

I know he enjoyed music. My dad's entire family played an instrument and this is something I see in my dad to this day. The gift of music is something I have often given my father in the form of a CD. None of us Thackeray girls got the genes. When I spend time with my aunt in London going to a classical concert or just spending time with her in her flat, listening to some amazing artist whom I've never heard of before, I feel the presence of my grandfather. Not a ghostly presence. More of a knowledge that he instilled these values and appreciations into my father and his brother and sisters, that this connection is still there over time and generations.

I feel deep, intense loss of a man I never even knew. I am so appreciative of the times that my paternal grandmother has talked about him. I am so appreciative of the time with all three of my remaining grandparents. They are all so full of lessons about life and about our history, and even about me as an individual. I like feeling that connection.